Shweddy Balls Left Out In The Cold

By Ikam Acosta

Certain select stores are freezing out Ben & Jerry's new long-awaited flavor because of its name. Yeah, BOO! That's what I say.

Stores are not finding any humor in the Schweddy Balls name. Even though consumers find the flavor to be quite delicious, certain supermarket chains are refusing to stock the offensive ice cream.

"The title was inspired by an innuendo-laced 1998 skit featuring Alec Baldwin as baker Pete Schweddy, who promises, 'No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.'"

Well as it turns out, that's not completely true. Members of the One Million Moms group are boycotting the flavor and pressuring retailers to keep the hilarious flavor out of their stores. They are even turning up the heat on Ben & Jerry's to stop production altogether, claiming Schweddy Balls is "nothing but locker room humor that's not appropriate for young children." Hey moms, here's a thought: Don't feed it to your kids!

Don't they have more important causes to worry about, like school budget cuts or unsavory characters hanging around children's playgrounds? Let the people have their Schweddy Balls!

Stores are not disclosing whether their decision to not stock Schweddy Balls in their freezers was a result of incessant nagging and complaining from One Million Moms. A spokesperson from a Massachusetts Stop & Shop said,

"We haven't received any complaints that we're not carrying that flavor. However, if we do get feedback from customers that they want it, we'll certainly revisit that decision."

Good God, I hope that's true. You know what to do folks. Demand your Schweddy Balls!

The ostracized flavor has ironically become the most popular limited edition flavor Ben & Jerry's has ever produced. See, the people know what they want. This will hopefully give grocery stores a clue that the majority of the people outweigh these bitter moms and will move them to stock more of the delicious flavor.

Hopefully, Ben & Jerry's will stand their ground and not change the flavor because of all the backlash, just like they did with "peanutbutter-laden What a Cluster, formerly known as Clusterfluff."

The One Million Moms group is going to the extent of badmouthing the company on their website, encouraging its members to tell Ben & Jerry's they will stop buying products if they continue producing Schweddy Balls or other items with offensive names.

"The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket."

Again, why is your child alone in the supermarket? Focus on that, whiny overprotective mom! Priorities, priorities. Maybe Ben & Jerry's should come up with a new flavor for these moms to stuff their faces with: Party Poopers!

Have you managed to get your hands on some Schweddy Balls yet?

Tags Alec Baldwin, Ben & Jerry's, Blogger: Ikam Acosta, popnews, Schweddy Balls