The Anna Nicole Smith 300 Million Saga In 12 Short Acts!

By Maria Corina Marrero

Not even the Twilight Saga compares to the almost endless tragedy that has been the  case of Anna Nicole Smith and the fight for  those yummy 300 million bucks!

If this drama was ever brought onscreen, the story would unfold in 12 acts,  more or less like this:

Act 1: Anna Nicole, a 26 year old  small town, kinda of white-trashy hottie fishes a 90 year old oil tycoon in a bar and marries him (for love).

Act 2: The hottie is living the high life for the first time when suddenly, the old man, J. Howard Marshall, drops dead. (Anna cries while cameras roll, but makes early plans on how to spend her 300 million- Life is good!)

Act 3: The old man's will is finally read and… shocker: Anna is not in it. (The old man was no dummy and decided to leave everything to his son Pierce)

Act 4: Anna won't go down without a fight! She flirts with judges and media and opens up a national circus under the pretext that once the old guy -while partying hard- promised her the cash.

Act 5: The hottie declares bankruptcy, shoots a reality show for E! and gains 300 pounds.

Act 6: The GUESS hottie suddenly becomes America’s official guilty pleasure as audiences get hooked to watch the fat train wreck onscreen… Then the California Bankruptcy court becomes even more incoherent than Smith herself declaring  the money should go to her!

Act 7: Pierce -the old guy's son- gets furious, fights back in a Texas court…. and drops dead too.

Then,  suddenly, as if the writer of this saga was fired by the studio and replaced by someone else, a unexpected change of events:

Act 8:  The hottie chick gets pregnant and decides to hide the father's identity…

Act 9: Every guy in America and their grandpa comes out on TV saying they are the father…The race simmers down to 2: A lawyer and some cute guy the hottie dated like for two hours.

Act 10:  Anna gives birth to Dannielynn…. Anna’ s older son dies 2 days later and Anna dies 6 months later.

Act 11: The two potential fathers fight it out in a court in Aruba… The cutest gets the baby. (This is sort of cliché, why always the cute guy, may we ask?)

Act 12:  On June 23, 2011 in a 5 to 4 vote, the Supreme Court rules the money should go to Pierce Marshall, not Anna Nicole. The irony? They’re both dead, and they both spent the last ten years of their lives worried sick over money they'd never live to see. The End!

Brilliant…. No sober writer could ever come up with such a twisted, cruel and entertaining story! I want to write the play and make millions out of it!

Tags Anna Nicole Smith, Blogger: Maria Corina Marrero, E!, J Howard Marshall, Pierce Marshall, Playboy, Supreme Court